COMING FROM A DISABLED BI-NATIONAL RELATIONSHIP

    By: Dexter Mejia

photo: Dexter (L) and Stephen (R)

Stephen came to Manila to see Simon, his 3-year e-pal for the first time. Simon and I belonged to the same support group, and we expected that he would bring Stephen along.

Stephen sat in his wheelchair with his blue eyes focused on no one. He greeted us with his gentle lips and soft voice as he was introduced to each member of the group. I hated it because it seemed he was scared of his own voice.

Each person was given his chance to speak and since Stephen was a guest, he was the last one. I was surprised to hear him speak of London's gay scene and his fantasies of sadomasochism. He was far from holy!

I became curious, and so when the coffee break came, I approached him. He still spoke with the same calming tone and told me tales of pain and pleasure meeting at one exalting point-he wanted me to be his slave. I decided to meet him everyday during his stay here.

We eventually became lovers and cared so much for each other that we didn't explore our S&M fantasies. Local malls and hot spring resorts were our common destination. It was a sweet honeymoon period.

But Stephen had to go because foreign tourists are allowed only 21 days to stay here in the Philippines for free. Since he is disabled, he is very dependent on UK government funds. Stephen has ataxia, a congenital disorder affecting his sense of balance. Complications like a fatal heart attack might also occur.

It took some time for me to accept his condition, because I thought the ending of our relationship would be his death.

And so he went back to England, and I stayed here in Manila. He went through hospital visits and therapies, and it was a torture for me not to be with him, but our love never changed.

Several months passed and a few weeks before our first year anniversary, we ended the relationship. The great distance apart hurt us badly. It was a struggle for both of us and we didn't date other people. After the 15 months since he left Manila, he returned for another vacation. We saw each other and talked a lot about what happened to our relationship.

We were still single and didn't know if that was a blessing.

But we couldn't commit again. Since he was dependent on public funds, he was disqualified from sponsoring a foreign visitor. If he decided to be with me in the Philippines, I wouldn't be able to support both of us because my salary as a writer was only US$ 160 a month.

How I wish there was help available. Both my gay and straight friends have never encountered this. I found LGBT groups abroad who are working on this but they couldn't give me much hope. We were discriminated by the laws as a disabled gay couple

Stephen left Manila again and his stay here was bittersweet. There was indeed a fine line between pain and pleasure. And there is still no ending to this love story but I do pray for a happy one.

Dexter Mejia is one of the original founders of Long Yang Club Manila. We are seeking more articles or stories from gay Asians and Western friends from around the world. If you have an article, about 600-1200 words, that you might like to contribute, please send it in to us at : silklink@lonyangclub.org

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