LONG YANG CLUB'S GAY CHINESE HOROSCOPE - YEAR OF THE MONKEY

On 22nd January 2004, it will be the Year of the Monkey. There are 12 animal signs in the Chinese Horoscope. It is believed that our behaviour and attitudes resemble one of these twelve animals depending on the year of our birth, and that our future is influenced accordingly. Though this article is written tongue-in-cheek , check to see if you are really like the animal corresponding to your birth year. Who knows, the future stated here may hold true for you!

THE MONKEY

The gay Monkey is known to be fun-loving, intelligent and knowledgeable. However, he can be rather selfish, cunning, opportunistic and restless!

Although this is Monkey Year, the luck for this swinging animal will be up and down, so he has to be cautious. He is normally not too good in taking care of his finances, so this year, he has to be even more careful . He may be someone who likes good things in life but this year he must cut his lavish spending or he may be a sad Monkey inundated with debts.

Monkeys tend to look more for sex than for love (although there are exceptions). If a Monkey already has a partner, he may still swing from tree to tree looking for more bananas to suck! The best partner a gay Monkey can go for is usually a Horse, a Dragon or a Rabbit . The Horse and Dragon will be able to keep the Monkey in check while the Rabbit is willing to tolerate the unfaithful Monkey. If he is in a relationship and wants it to last, he should show respect for his partner and not be too dominating or jealous. He must try to listen more to what his partner says and think about his feelings. It will be a trying year for a Monkey looking for love as his new-found relationship may not last. Better luck next year.

     THE COCK

Chinese luck signs indicate that the Cock will have a better year than the last one. Financially, it should be favourable. The Cock in love will have a 'blossoming' relationship. This is partly because the Cock is a faithful bird and relationship-minded. Sexually-active Cocks are masterful and passive ('bottom') Cocks are good at housekeeping and home design. However, the Cock has to be careful as he may be too headstrong, critical and arrogant which makes others think he is too 'cocky' ! And for those Cocks who are still seeking love, they should find another Cock, the hunky Bull or the masculine Dragon. One more thing - the gay Cock tend to find his perfect mate later in life, so if he has passed his 'prime' age, it does not necessarily mean he is in the Last Chance Saloon. It may actually mean that Mr. Right is just around the corner! Cocks may also be spreading their wings and fly off to new Horizons. Career- wise, the Cock can look for promotion and go up the next pecking order!

     THE DOG

Although the last year was a fantastic year for the Dog, it will not be so for him this year. Nevertheless, the gay Dog will still fight and bark for fairness.

If a Dog is looking for a relationship and he is an active Dog (Top-Dog?) he should go for a passive Rabbit. If he is a passive Dog (ahem, an Under-Dog? ) he should go for a masculine, 'top/active' Horse or Tiger. The partner will find that it is not easy to win the Dog's trust but, if he succeeds, the odds are he will have the Dog for keeps, bones and all. The down side for the Dog is that he can be an obstinate and moody animal, which may lead him to end a relationship quickly before he gives it an opportunity to develop. A lesson for the Dog - he should bite his doggy tongue, stop howling and barking too much. Rather, he should wag his tail and show his friendliness more and then he will be more popular. He should also be less dogmatic. Career-wise, he may be transferred from kennel to kennel. Dogs do well being members of Long Yang Club steering committees.

     THE PIG

Contrary to Western beliefs, the Chinese think that the Pig is a warm, caring, intelligent animal. He also works hard and plays hard , like some successful Yuppies. In the Year of the Monkey, the Pig is expected to do well wealth-wise. Pennies may almost fall from Heaven for him, but there may still be ups and downs! Health-wise, this year may not be so good. This may partly be due to the Pig's gorging too much of the wrong types of foods, not exercising enough, or smoking and drinking excessively . This may result in ill-health and sickness. Also he may indulge in too much sex, and may be careless about safe sex.

Although he looks organized on the outside and tolerant, which is partly why other animals are attracted to him, he can be somewhat untidy at home so that his house resembles a pig-sty! This is a turn-off for others. He is usually more a 'sex' animal than a romantic, so he has to sharpen his 'romance' skills to find love. More passion but go easy on the action, Mr. Pig! Also, as the Pig can be too trusting, he may be swindled by others, who may just want his money rather than his porky body. In a relationship, the Pig will be best matched with a Goat or a Rabbit, both of whom are usually more honest animals.

Lesson for the Pig - be more careful about whom you meet, don't be too greedy for food and, most important of all, remember always to practice safe sex (as you will have a tendency to forget it when you are tipsy or too excited!!). Also you should do some exercises in a gym if possible - maybe become a Pig with six packs?

     THE RAT

It may be another rat-race year for this rodent but generally the Monkey year should be a good year for him. This is because the Monkey and the Rat are great chums. Those Rats who persevere will be most likely to succeed, and that includes finding a boyfriend . Whether he is active , passive, or versatile, the Rat should look for another Rat or a Monkey; or, if he is passive, he will usually be well-matched with a Dragon. If the Rat is in a gay bar, he should pluck up his courage to approach someone he likes. He has to think that he's a man , not a mouse! Once he finds someone, the Rat can prove that he is really very good 'boyfriend material' . He is generally loving and romantic. What may put the Rat down or end his relationship is that he gossips too much, and criticizes his boyfriend to others. And when his boyfriend hears about it, it will be a calamity! In finance, he should not lend or borrow money. This should be avoided like mouse-traps!

     THE BULL

It may be a promising year for the Bull (better than last year) . If he wants something to be done, he will make sure it gets done. He will enjoy good health and good wealth. When looking for a boyfriend, the Bull should try not be so serious. He should be more relaxed, smile more and show that he has a sense of humour! If he is dating someone, the Bull should not let the other think he is a stingy animal. He should show his good side, that he is a cool cucumber, and a patient listener. The Bull is usually unromantic but, to compensate for his matter-of-factness, he can be really hot and horny in bed (especially if he is hung like a Bull!). He would suit a Rabbit (who tolerates him), a Rat (who being a romantic may compensate for his matter-of-factness), and a Monkey (who may be equally unromantic but looking for sex). Despite the Bull's lack of romanticism, he can be quite possessive in an affair. Many Bulls also like leather and are into S&M, but that does not mean all of them are like that. Most importantly, the Bull should not become involved with menage-a-trois, or he could end up as corned beef!

The Bull is also a connoisseur of food and wine, and anything luxurious. He would be more popular if he would share some of his luxuries with his friends.

     THE TIGER

The King of the Jungle appears to be a courageous animal on the outside, but inside he is really a born worrier! He is usually successful in his career and this year he should be going even higher up the ladder. The only thing that may let him down is that he does not take criticisms lightly, and he hates taking orders from his superiors. There will be opportunities and obstacles throughout the year which will be a bumpy one for him. The Tiger is great at seeing problems but not so good at finding solutions. In love, the Tiger tends to do the opposite and throw caution to the wind. A Tiger in love is a Tiger on Cloud Seven. He has to be careful that he does not get let down by his lover and fall to the ground with a thud. He should find solace in a Horse (who enjoys adventure as much as the Tiger), or a Dog (if he is looking for a passive partner) . However, some macho Tigers who may appear butch on the outside but who are actually passive in bed may go for the dominant Dragon. A Tiger in a relationship may experience 'ups and downs' this year.

     THE RABBIT

The Rabbit is a natural 'gay animal'. He has the qualities so often associated with gays: smartness, creativity, and sensitivity. On top of that, he likes to dress up and wear bright, flamboyant and outrageous clothes. Some rabbits may tend to be a bit camp. Even your masculine buck Rabbit is often smaller in build, though you can still find a few really butch and hairy Rabbits. In spite of his creative nature, the Rabbit can be a really discreet animal. This year, the Rabbit can expect it to be a 'hopping' good year for him. There will be some hiccups though, financial worries or relationship problems, but these should be short lived. A Rabbit looking for love may find it in a Dog, a Goat or a Pig. Okay, it may not be a perfect match, but then that's life honey! What's more, gay Rabbits tend to be the first ones who may be going through some of the world's first official gay weddings! Once a Rabbit finds a partner, he will really be hot, hot, hot! Haven't you heard of the term, breed like a rabbit? There you go!

     DRAGON

The Dragon is great at looking for opportunities and cashing in on them. This year, he should be successful with new projects. He will usually have lots of guys going after him. After all, who is not attracted to such a colourful, strong and masculine animal ? The trouble is the Dragon may find someone attracted to him and opening his heart for him when all he (the Dragon) wants is a good shag and he isn't interested in a relationship. He may leave someone with a broken heart. If a Dragon has a boyfriend, he will be very dominating, sometimes to the point of being arrogant. In sex, he is usually a 'top'. However, a Dragon who is seeking a life-partner with whom to settle down may not be so lucky this year. A Dragon never apologises. A Cock will tolerate him because he is so handsome. He can also find a partner in a Rat, who may think (wrongly) that he can use the Dragon as a 'stepping stone'. The Dragon also attracts size-queens as he is usually well-endowed, almost monster size! In finance, the Dragon should be getting wealthier and wealthier. As the Dragon is a leader, he will do well as the chairman or president of any Long Yang Club chapter.

     SNAKE

The Snake attracts and charms people because of his wit and sense of humour. He can sense the situation in the blink of an eyelid and make it his own. Unlike Western thinking, Snakes do have high moral values. He can also be someone who likes the arts and who is cultured. It is believed this will be an extremely good year for the Snake. There should be plenty of sex and love in the air for him. If Snakes are looking for a partner, it is best to go for a Cock or a Bull but not both at the same time!. The Snake in relationship should focus more on his partner. He must not have sex with other guys too often. He should appreciate how important it is to have someone who really loves him.

     HORSE

Go to a Long Yang Club social event and you will find the gay Horse to be heart and soul of the party! As he is probably well-travelled, he would be able to tell people of his wide experience, and he has a great sense of humour. Many guys are attracted to the Horse's grace and masculine stature and they imagine that he could also be very well-hung! If a Horse finds a partner, he should not rush into a relationship. He must give his partner time. Equally, he must not rush out of a relationship. An ideal partner would be someone who enjoys travel as much as he does. The animals that would suit him would be the Dog, the Goat or the Tiger.

This year may not be a very good year for the Horse, but it should be much better the year after. The gay Horse should not act too much on his impulse! He should keep his cool and try to be sensible in matters related to finance, health and affairs of the heart.

    GOAT

The Gay Goat may find good luck in abundance this year! Instead of dreaming about favourable opportunities, he should wake up as they are already here, and grab them ! It is believed that as the Goat is the most feminine of all the animal signs Gay Goats are more passive than active. He is also gentle and caring. Love opportunities may even come again for gay Goats already in a relationship. Through no fault of his own, some hunky animal may cross his path This may affect his relationship with his partner, so he has to take care on deciding just what to do! A single Goat seeking love may find so many guys after him this year that he may not know who to choose as his Mister Right ! Having said that, he should be careful about his health. As we would remind all animals, practice safer sex!

JUST WHAT ANIMAL ARE YOU?

< back to articles menu